Impact Influences...

I think, I was 9-10 years my 12 year old cousine spoke about the stupidity of prayers and God.
He introduced a set of arguments for the 'new' concept.
Also got introduced to some books by Prof. AT Kovoor. The impact of these were really huge on me.



I don't remember, when I started my interest in sports. Might be at the same age.
But, I clearly remember that I used to read only the sports page in the daily news paper.
It was mostly about cricket. That time, I had never seen cricket being played.
I loved reading about sports, especially cricket. Sunil Gavaskar was my idol.
Television came home when I was 12 years. This took my cricket interests to a new level.
I was not allowed to play cricket. May be, I used to be adicted to cricket, which forced my Dad to restrict me.


My grand father used to stay with us for many years and his communist thoughts and rational approach to things influenced me. More importantly, he was friends with most of the people around in the village and even today, I make friends with ease.


The most important thing about the accident, I had in 1990 is that I spent almost 4 months on bed and only on bed. This was huge at that time. My thought process changed for ever. May be I defined my own base during this period. Life took a turn for ever.


Karyavattom Campus was really the one most enriching experience in my life. All love affairs start with bit of rough touch. My days at Karyavattom campus started with tough ragging and a bit of resistance from my side. But, this definitely made me receptive to people and cultures. Two and a half years at Karyavattom was like a celebration. I am still in love with the campus...


Three years with IVL in Trivandrum Technopark was the door to corporate world and lasting influence with loads of friends and learning...


I met Sami during our ragging days at the hostel. He was like an alien to me. All new scheme of thought... Vibrant reactions... Sami of those days is still like a myth. Unknowingly he became my guide to thoughts beyond the normal bases.


Years later Jaggi Vasudev's smart discourses brings me back to where I really belong...

Hero

My first trip to Germany was all about travelling...

I stayed in Leverkusen for three months and visited all the neighbouring countries in this short period. One of the weekends, we went to Bonn. Bonn is a very nice typical European City. I can still remember the long walk; we had by the Rhine river side. The most remembered part of the trip was our visit to the Birth place and memorial of Beethoven. Even after ten years, I clearly remember how excited I was. Why was I excited? The only thing, I knew about Beethoven was that he was a great musician and he composed many great symphonies. Even today, I don't know much about symphonies. I had never listened to one before that. Beethoven or symphonies in general never excited me. Still I was elated to be there.

I find this very interesting. Why did I get excited to be there? I think, that is one of the basic instincts of Human Beings. Human Beings are obsessed with fame. The famous people are heroes even when they are no way related or influencing to you.

Crows and shit...

There is a crow's nest on a tree just outside the window of my son's bedroom. As I am very much in to my studies now a days, I happen to spend a lot of time in that room. I kept watching the nest. I can see the nest very clearly. First time I noticed this was about two months back. There were couple of baby crows in the nest and the parent crows used to be very protective.

Watching the crows for hours was a whole new experience for me. I knew that crows tend to mate for life. I started relating this to men. I wonder how they find their partner... Choosing a partner for life is definitely a complex process.

I noticed that the crows don't feel bad about their shit. Their nests are full of shit. Still they live in those nests without any problem. If we observe many other animals, they are not much bothered about their own shit. We are very uncomfortable with our own shit. We can also notice that we are sometimes ok with handling other animals' shit. I think, we have learned to dislike our own shit for some reason at some stage.

It has been a lot of shit... Lemme think of something else...

Me and my God ...

Does God exist?
This is probably the most discussed question. And really universal... People always go gaga over arguments.
I have done very successful stints during various stages of my life.
Now, the question is changed… What is God? May be this is my question…
Whenever I saw this question around, the answers made more sense to me.
Every attempt was interesting…

I have seen people identifying God as their own inabilities, limitations, ignorance, etc.
Some give fancy definitions as 'Controlling Power', 'Creator' ...
But hardly anybody experienced God...
Most of them continue to learn and unlearn about God.
Where do they learn from? From others.
Where did they learn from? From somebody else...
Somebody's God becomes your God. Same way as somebody's fear becomes your fear.
But that is not too bad. Say, 'fear of fire' is taught to you. You don't necessarily need to burn your fingers to know this...

For one and all 'God' is one answer for most of their questions...
Questions are often very uncomfortable and quite 'heavy'...
You always want to drop the burden.
I would also not carry that burden. But choosing 'some' answer just for dropping the burden is not my way.
I would rather drop the questions just as questions with out any answer...

It is natural for a rational being to deny the existence of God...
The reasons may be related to the colossal establishments on behalf of God. There can develop a natural anti establishment resistance. But this gets a bit irrational on the other side. It is like you start fighting somebody else's fancy.

I keep looking for reasons from believers. Unfortunately though, I am yet to find a reasonable reason! Many settle with some loose string somewhere and select as the best choice of comfort. God is indeed comforting. As I am comfortable even otherwise, I don't settle anywhere.

Stars... Memories... Past...

How many times can one write about stars?

I have written many a times...Still lot more to write...

Every evening, when I look at the sky, I see few stars...

The number varies...

But as I look on, I find another star between two seen in the first place...

Again another... And again...

In some time I see far too many...

So is life, when I look back at the events, people, relationships, lovers, friends...

Also every time, I see a new 'Self'...

The mistery base

Life has always been those small stretches from the base...
My real base? Identity?...
I don't know.
Every time, I think about this I get a different answer.
Still... I know when I drive back to my base... I always feel it... And struggle through...
One of those rare evenings, when I laze out in my balcony I can feel my base.
Drifting away from the base takes no effort though it is a race sometimes.
Looking at an ECG like graph will give a feeling that the stretch from the base would be a struggle...
And the drive back in line with gravity...
I always felt the other way. Some force acting in the opposite direction...
I never came back to the same base... The base also changes.
May be, I just peaked the longest of those stretches...
Struggling the drive back...
Will take some time... ... ...